yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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