At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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