Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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