There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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