I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
