I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
