too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
