My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
