if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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