Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize