I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
