Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
