Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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