Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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