She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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