sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
