What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She told me I should be a condom model.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
