I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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