I hate your face
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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