the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You took a bar mat shot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
40s are totally the cure
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
