nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
