You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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