Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
