I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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