You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
