his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
