Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
