I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
