Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
