Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
