Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
