Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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