I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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