he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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