So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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