That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
