My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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