Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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