U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
