i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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