I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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