I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She bit a glass in half.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
