He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
