A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
