I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
