i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
