I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
