Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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