That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
