We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
