There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
These tits shall not be calmed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
