My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
