The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
