My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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