She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
