Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
