it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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