it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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