Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
