Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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