its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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