Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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