I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
did i just pee glitter
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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