...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
