So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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