I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The uberlube is also flammable
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
