Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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